I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with my third child and what has been lingering throughout this pregnancy is the sex of this baby, which we've kept as a surprise...
See, I am a mum of identical twin boys who are nearly three-years-old. My husband and I always knew we wanted a third babe to complete the family, didn’t want the boys to be in a twin bubble and know the amazing impact siblings have on each other’s lives. And if I’m honest, there was the possibility of our third being a little girl. It’s definitely not the reason we are having a third and it would be silly to be, considering it’s a 50/50 chance, but it definitely was among those first thoughts I had when I found out I was pregnant again. It was like my brain instantly went straight to pinks, florals and tutus.
This didn’t surprise me really as I am a girly girl and I also had extremely close relationships with my own mother and grandmothers (all heartbreakingly not here anymore). Over the years, I’ve discovered a deep-seeded ache for my own daughter. And often find myself thinking about bringing a new feminine energy into this world, created in part by the beautiful amazing women that have since passed, but whose energy and love remains.
And I’m not the only one thinking about a girl. Since announcing the pregnancy, the prospect of a girl has come up time and again.
“Oh wow, you must be hoping it’s a girl”
“Oh as long as it’s healthy… but wouldn’t a little girl be lovely”
“Oh I really hope it’s a girl”
The continual comments have made me feel anxious and weird. Because, what if it’s a boy? Are people going to look at me and feel sorry for me?
I even remember when my obstetrician told me at my first pregnancy that we were having two boys: ‘Oh well, you’ll have to go for the third to have the girl!”
But why? What’s wrong with having the same gender for all your children?
A little girl would be lovely, but so would a little boy. I feel sad and defensive when people tell me their hopes for a little girl, as I feel like I am defending my baby, who might be a little boy, and if he is, will be just as utterly amazing as his two older brothers. It wasn’t the reason we had a third, but now it’s like if we do have a boy, I’ve got this additional grief imparted on me by others and I have imparted intrinsically on myself.
This pregnancy has been a gender identity rollercoaster, sometimes I feel “Ah, a little girl would be so amazing” and then my heart feels sad and says “Oh but how amazing would it be if I was a mama to three boys?”.
I am sure if we are blessed with a little man there will be some residual grief about not having that mother and daughter bond myself, but I truly know in my heart those feelings will be overridden by the love of the child and just having that third babe to complete our family. Anyone else feel this way?
Words: Georgia Miller