Today was not extraordinary, Little One. We stayed home for the morning, ran some errands, popped on a load of washing, played with your big sister’s dolls. In fact, today was so ordinary, it’s one I’m unlikely to remember...
That said, there were a few moments of utter loveliness. When I was hanging up the washing, for instance, you wandered off for a bit. You then seemed to remember where I was and came rushing back to me, arms wide open, squealing “Mama!” with such joy in your voice.
Little One, today was nothing special. But those moments; those moments are more special than anything. And, while you’re still so little, I know those moments will become my memories alone. Sure, you may remember snippets of today in the days to come. But I know you’re too young to form long-lasting memories of this time yet.
So I try hard to remember these times, Little One, for us both. I need these moments, Little One, because these are the days; the days I’ll call on in times to come, when my patience runs low and I’m ever so worn and exhausted, and I just need some light to help me through.
So I take these moments, Little One, and I collect them, like rocks in a river. I reach for these moments when things get tough. When I’m flailing because the river flows so fast and I can’t get ahold of something solid to stop me from being thrashed around. These days might be nothing extraordinary, and sometimes they feel like an endless loop of the mundane (washing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, washing; repeat).
And don’t get me wrong, Little One. You’re not always sunshine and peaches, either. (You are a toddler, after all.) But in-between all those ordinary (and exhausting) moments are the ones that make me stop, so struck am I by all their beauty. I wish I could capture these moments, Little One, and jump back into them with you in years to come, so that you could see how loved you were, how much fun we had together when you were this little. But time is mean like that and we’ll never get to share these moments again. So, Little One, I won’t ask for the impossible. Instead, I’ll try to stay grateful.
While we both get to live the joy of these moments, I know I’m lucky in that I’ll get to keep the memory of these times whereas you’re not old enough to hold onto them for good. I can’t promise to remember them all, Little One. I’m only human. But I’ll do my best to remember them for us both. Because even though they’re just fleeting moments, they’re actually the ones that mean the most.
Words: Evelyn Lewin | Image: Julie Adams