Parenting: How Phrases Change Once You Have Kids |

Parenting: How Phrases Change Once You Have Kids

Having children is life changing. It also changes the meaning behind some common phrases, writes Evelyn Lewin…

Photo: Grace Alyssa Kyo

“I hardly slept last night”

Before kids: I was out having so much fun last night, I stumbled home late then woke up early. After kids: The kids kept me up again all night. Literally.

“Thank God it’s Friday!”

Before kids: I have the whole weekend to do whatever I want! Woohoo! After kids: I don’t have to make the kids’ school lunches for tomorrow! Woohoo!

“I need some ‘me’ time”

Before kids: I need a few hours to just relax. I might read a book, watch a movie or just hang out at home. After kids: It would be so wonderful to have a shower alone.

“I’m planning to sleep in tomorrow”

Before kids: You won’t see me before midday. After kids: You won’t see me before 7am.

“I just slammed my finger in the door!”

Before kids: Sh*%!!!! After kids: Sssshhhhhivers that hurts!  

“I’m not going out on Saturday night. I think I’ll just have a quiet one instead”

Before kids: I might just invite a couple of friends over for some takeaway and wine, and we’ll probably hang out, chat and maybe watch a movie. You know, something low key. After kids: When the house is finally quiet (as in, the kids are asleep), I’ll do a little happy dance and flop on the couch for an hour or two before trying to yank myself up to go to bed.

“I’m on my way”

Before kids: I am literally picking up the car keys and walking to the car so I’ll be there in five minutes. After kids: The kids are dressed and the bags are packed, but I have no idea how many last minute emergencies will pop up between now and when we actually get to the car. (You know what I mean; toilet breaks, items that need to come with us that can’t be found etc.) Plus, I still have to strap the kids in the car and actually leave. To be honest, I have no idea what time I’ll be there.

“I don’t think I’ve stopped all day”

Before kids: Sure, I’ve had some quiet coffees, bathroom breaks, made some phone calls and sang along to the radio while in the car, but otherwise I haven’t stopped all day. After kids: I actually, literally, don’t think I’ve stopped all day.

“I need a haircut”

Before kids: My hair is just starting to get to that ratty stage where it’s a few weeks overdue. After kids: I’ve been wearing my hair tied back in a ponytail for months now but still think of myself as having a bob.

“Congratulations, you’re pregnant!”

Before kids: That’s wonderful news! Babies are so cute and I’m sure you’re going to love every minute of being a mum. After kids: That’s wonderful news! Babies are so cute and I’m sure you’re going to love being a mum… But let’s be honest. You probably won’t love every single minute of it, and that’s okay too.  Having a baby is life changing but it really is the most wonderful news and I’m so happy for you. I can’t believe you’re about to start the whole parenting journey. Welcome to the best ride of your life.