Before having my first baby, I remember hearing the same advice again and again. “Sleep now before the baby comes!” mothers would trill, shooting me an all-knowing wink...
I’d rub my belly and laugh, thinking about how little sleep I was getting at this late stage of pregnancy, between nights of endless reflux, needing to wee a thousand times, and having difficulty rolling over in bed. Anyhoo, when my baby burst into my life I was thrust into that churning state of upheaval, where love mingled with exhaustion, my head just wanted to marry my pillow, and sleep was but a distant memory fluttering her tender wings out of reach. But when, months later, my baby finally cottoned on to the whole idea of sleeping at night, something else stole my beloved sleep. That is, my mind wouldn’t switch off. I wanted sleep so badly I could taste it, and yet my stupid brain would not let me relax enough to nod off. It wasn’t until I was chatting recently to Dr David Cunnington, sleep consultant and co-founder of Sleep Hub, that I finally understood why, as a mum, I often have trouble sleeping. He says a massive “blind spot” when it comes to sleep is busy-ness during the day. It’s not just about being physically busy which, let’s face it, most mums are. It’s also about being mentally busy, in the form of worries, to-do lists and endless internal chatter. He says we need to recognise that we can’t run at a thousand miles a minute during the day, and then expect to put our heads on our pillows at night and sleep easy. Rather, he says, we need downtime during the day to let us mentally and physically unwind – if we want our brains to do the same thing at night. “We’re not superhuman, we’re not robots – we’re biological beings” he explains. “If all the waking hours are ‘on’ time then it’s unrealistic to expect that sleep will be calm and quiet ‘off’ time. There has to be some modulation of nervous energy and sufficient time to let things dissipate before trying to sleep.” The same applies for people who fall asleep easily yet find themselves awake a few hours later. “People don’t expect that being flat-out busy during the day or having daytime worries is the thing that causes waking during the night,” says Dr Cunnington. But it is, he assures me. In this situation, he says you probably have enough ‘sleep drive’ to push you off to sleep, even though your brain is fairly busy. “But three or four hours in [to sleep], that ‘sleep drive’ has now reduced and that’s where that busy brain now bubbles up to the surface.” That doesn’t mean you have to stop going full pelt to keep your life running smoothly. Rather, it means giving yourself time to unwind and de-stress either during the day, or before going to bed. The funny thing about downtime (or ‘me time’ as it’s also known) is just how guilty us mums feel about taking this time to ourselves. Sure, we’ve all heard the saying about needing to ‘fill our cup’ because we can’t pour from an empty one, but we still feel really bad about taking time to put ourselves first, even when we know we shouldn’t. But if you’re struggling to nod off, or waking during the night, it’s time to put ‘downtime’ as a priority. If you can get outdoors in the morning for your ‘downtime’, that’s even better for your sleep, because sunlight affects production of the sleep hormone, melatonin. Being active during your downtime will also help, says Dr Cunnington. But if all you feel like doing is flopping on a couch and watching your favourite show, all power to you. Because downtime isn’t just about having time to yourself; it might just be the thing you need to help you sleep better at night. And we all know that, as a mum, having a good night’s sleep is like a dream come true. Image: Julie Adams